


Only If You Mean It

by mockalope



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-12
Updated: 2014-02-17
Packaged: 2017-12-14 19:44:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/840650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mockalope/pseuds/mockalope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>so basically it's like dave's ultra nervous about being around his crush and then some stuff happens idk</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fanfiction so it's probably not all that great but it's up so shrug  
> i mostly started this because of my moirail but now i think i'll make it ongoing if i get enough positive feedback (but i doubt i will so it may just end up being this whoop)
> 
> EDIT: SO I GUESS I'LL JUST CONTINUE WITH THIS THING THEN BECAUSE IT APPEARS AT LEAST SOMEONE LIKES IT

He had invited you over last week, and you'd cancelled last minute. You remembered almost too late how your nerves afflicted you when you were around him. It wasn't because you disliked him, but rather, because you liked him probably too much.

His name is John Egbert, and he is the reason you can't focus in class today.

He's sitting a few seats in front of you and diagonal one, and on occasion he turns and grins back at you, sending your heart a flutter. You constantly thank god for your shades(which match Bro's - pointed and anime as hell), because otherwise, he would definitely see the huge blush dusting your cheeks. Yeah, it's dumb as hell, and your bro teases you for being so stupidly shy around him, but hell, Egbert's probably like your first love or something, and how does one even deal with that? You've never been versed in the language of love like Bro seems to have always been, and you're pretty certain following in his footsteps won't win you a classy guy like John. So, you're left alone in your problems, which isn't that bad except that he keeps turning to wave and smile at you.

And after class, he's right by your side almost instantly.

"So hey, Dave, I know you were busy and all last weekend, and that's cool, but I was wondering if you want to come over and play this new game I got. - Well, it's not exactly new, like in the gaming world or whatever. It's kind of old, actually. But it's new to me! My dad picked it up in a yard sale the other day; it's pretty neat and I thought you might want to try it."

You only caught half of that because you were too busy being hypnotized by his inhumanly bright blue eyes.  
"What? Uh, yeah, yeah, sure. Sounds cool."

You don't even know what you just agreed to, honestly, but whatever it was apparently made John pretty happy, because he was practically bouncing on his heels as he spoke once more - this time you made a point to listen, hoping for some clues as to the plans you'd just made.  
"Alright, cool! I guess you can just get a ride to my place with me this afternoon?"

Another question he expected an answer to. Why was it so difficult to answer him? You know you're going to say yes, but you also know you're probably going to cancel. Hell, last time you could hardly get your mouth to move when you called him to tell him something came up. Nothing really had, other than you were the biggest pansy on the face of the earth, and Bro had called you out on it immediately after.

"Yeah, sure."

"Great, okay. I'll meet you out front after school!"

With that, he's off down the hall headed for whatever class he has next. No, you know what class he has next, because it's with Rose, your good friend. She's probably your only friend, really, because even though you'd like to get to know that Harley girl, she's John's cousin, and you're kind of scared shitless to get closer to him than you already are.  
School drags on relatively slow, and it pains you to wait. When the clock strikes three and the bell sounds, you'll be meeting up with Egbert again and going to his house for the first time ever. He's invited you over time and time again, but you've never actually gone. It's a wonder he even still bothers to ask, you think, trying to focus on what's written on the board in front of you. At least your shades make it easier for you to get away with your mind wandering - Thank god for Bro on top of the shades, since he'd convinced the principal that you had sensitive eyes, which wasn't a lie, and needed to wear them pretty much at all times. Hell, Striders did have sensitive eyes, but yours were worse than your bro's since yours had more of a reddish pigmentation than his did. It was the little things that you really appreciated from him.

Lunch isn't any easier to wait through, even with Rose to talk to. Actually, it makes it more of a hassle, if you're being honest. And you are.

"So will you blow him off again, David?" Rose repeats, pulling you from your musings. She was sitting across from you at your usual table for six (which comfortably seated two since the beginning of the year), her lunch pushed to the side. She never ate the crap the school served, and you usually picked at it, so whatever she brought she always shared.  
You shrug your shoulders in response because you know better than to lie to her, especially when you'd be lying to yourself, too.

"Oh come now, you've already made promise after promise to John to hang out. You can't seriously expect this to go well if you cancel again."

"I know that, okay? I just don't know if my nerves are up for that."

Rose knows full well of your feelings for John, and of where you stand in the matter. She's friends with him, and she usually tells you whatever they talk about, mostly because it involves a whole lot of you, which is odd because you didn't realize she had so much to say about you.

"Nothing ventured, nothing gained," she replied, giving you one of those looks. You really hate those looks.

"Fine, okay? I'll go to his place this time."

She doesn't respond right off, and you're about to say something else when an all-too familiar voice sounds from behind.

"Hey Rose! Hey Dave! Mind if we join you?"

Oh. Oh fuck. Oh fuck it's Egbert. You can feel yourself clamming up already but you're trying your damnedest not to, gotta stay cool, but your counterpart is motioning for them to join you and he sits right beside you.

Jade's with him, and she sits by Rose on the other side of the table, a huge grin on her face. "You're Dave? It's nice to meet you! I'm Jade."

"Uh, yeah, sup," Wow, that's a shitty greeting.

"Now David, is that any way to greet friends?" Rose chides, giving you - yup, another one of those looks. You sometimes wish she'd lay off.

"I've heard a lot about you," Jade continues, and once again you're glad you don't have to answer to Rose.

"Really? Like what?" Maybe the younger Lalonde doesn't talk about you with just John. You're not sure how you feel about this.

"Yeah, John--"

The sound of a clearing throat beside you interrupts the girl's chatter before it begins, and you're a little surprised. Okay, so John talks about you. Wait, fuck, John talks about you.  
"So hey Rose, did you get the homework written down? I kinda forgot to." That is the topic change proposed. Someone is clearly not very good at it. Rose doesn't seem to mind, though, as she begins pulling her notebook from her deep purple Cthulu bag and passing it over the table to the brunette.

"Honestly, John, it's almost daily with you." she says, her tone not so much patronizing as it was playful.

"It's not my fault that I forget to write it down," John defends himself, getting his own notes out and copying down the aforementioned homework.

"Just don't forget to actually do it," she remarks, looking towards you then. "I trust you won't get in the way of that?"

"Just because Bro ain't a mom doesn't mean a need you to be," you retort, a sense of joking buried deep under the subtle hints of why must you do these things in your voice.  
She just gives a light shrug in response, taking a sip of her bottled water instead of answering. You're not the least bit upset at that, either.

Jade begins again with her friendly, idle chatter, aiming it mostly at Rose, who she's apparently known for all of the past few days. They don't have classes together, you remember the blonde mentioning, but she talks to her in the halls, and that's how that friendship started. You have no idea how Rose makes friends so easily, but you're a little envious of that.

John makes a few comments every now and then, just to add to the conversation, but you're not really interested in how the topic has gone from homework to wizard statues, so you feign interest in your lunch instead. It's not even warm, not that it was when you first got it, but the colder it gets, the less appetizing it appears. School food is heinous in the worst ways, you decide, pushing it away.

John happens to be reaching to return Rose's notebook at the same time, and his arm bumps your shoulder. He apologizes immediately, but you're a little dazed right then because holy shit that's the first time you've ever touched him. Yeah, it's fucking cliche and stupid, like some sort of loser girl infatuated with the most popular guy at school, with a whole bunch of musical numbers about her love for him and him never noticing - Okay, you totally didn't mean to compare your life to Hairspray just then, - and your heart is threatening to beat right out of your chest. You're such a loser, you think. Yup, the loser girl with all the musical numbers about her infatuation with some guy, that's totally you right now, and you can't say you're too proud about it.

The rest of lunch, you're mulling over how dumb you are and how similar you are to Tracy Turnvlad while the others talk amongst themselves. Rose doesn't bother to drag you back into the conversation, even though you know she would love nothing better at that time because of the number of times her eyes flicker to your face, as if she's sending signals for you to stop being such a baby. Maybe one day, Lalonde, but not today.

When you're finally set free of your situation, it's by the reminder from John that you'll be meeting in front of the school building at three. You're glad and unnerved that Bro doesn't care if you're out in the afternoon. Despite how you enjoy having the apartment to yourself during the day, it's still kind of shitty because sometimes you wish he'd be there to say no, like on days such as these when all you can do is awkwardly wave your friends off and hurry back to class to sit in your desk and freak the fuck out. Your nerves are getting to you now more than ever, mostly because holy shit, all the things that happened at lunch. John talks about you to his cousin and Rose. He sat beside you out of the blue. He's asked you over and over to hang out, and even with the number of times you've blown him off, he still comes back for more. Maybe you're being too analytical, but that comes off as something close to attraction in your mind. Rose would be better at this kind of shit, and maybe you should ask her before you jump to conclusions, but it really seems like John likes you.

It would explain why he's always wanting to hang out, you think, tapping the end of your pencil on your desk. A blank sheet of paper sits in wait for notes to be written, but you've been so mentally preoccupied that you've missed more than half of what's been written down and erased from the board. You'll just look it up later or something, no worries. Although you'll have to listen to Rose fuss at you for it, you're just going to spend the rest of the day sorting yourself out to prepare for going to John's about two hours from now.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------

 

The toll of the school bell brings about an anxiety inside you that makes you want to flee from the building and say to hell with it once more. But Rose is waiting for you outside your class, as usual, and you walk with her to the front of the school, your stomach in knots the whole way there.

Her mother is on time for once, which makes you want to scream in total disbelief - Mom Lalonde is on time. How the fuck does this happen today of all days? - but you wave both ladies goodbye and stand where you are.

The minute the Lalonde car has gone from sight, you feel yourself bolting from the sidewalk and back into the building. You'll wait it out, wait for John to get into the car and leave. You'll just wait for him to get tired of waiting on you.

It doesn't happen.

He comes up out of no where, smiling big as he pats you on the shoulder. "Ready to go?" he asked, oblivious to your perpetual state of anxiousness.

"Yeah, sure."

You let him lead you back out onto the curb to wait for his ride, all the while keeping clammed up as badly as before and barely registering anything he's saying to you.  
A blue car pulls up and stops in front of you both, and the window is rolled down. "Afternoon sport. Care for a ride?" You sometimes forget that John's dad is actually really attractive. Your bro would be disappointed, considering how often he talks about his ass when John is mentioned.

John throws his bag into the front seat and gives his dad a reply that you don't listen to, because you're too busy trying to pull yourself together to get into the car. John's dad greets you just as enthusiastically as his own son, and you guess you'd better move before you look like more of an idiot than you feel.  
You climb into the backseat next to John, who's buckling in long before you even get your door shut.

"Dad, you remember Dave, right?" he says to his father, who waits until you're in and buckled as well before driving off.

"Of course I do, though it's been a long time. How have you been, David?"

"You can call me Dave," you answer. David is what Bro calls you when he's being a snarky asshole, and John's dad doesn't come off like that type. You'd much rather he just called you Dave."And I've been pretty chill, sir."

You also managed to forget that Mr. Egbert is a pretty uptight formal dude, so your typical manner of speak is sort of the wrong time period for his tastes. He didn't seem to mind the first day you'd ever met him, which was also the last time you'd seen him, but who new how he'd react now.

"That's excellent to hear. I myself have been 'pretty chill'." He must have found it funny to reuse your words, because he's smiling to himself up front, and you catch that fact in the rear view mirror.

The rest of the ride is silent on your part, but both Egberts chat the whole time, talking about their days and the like. You're just trying to keep yourself from crawling out the car window and scuttling down the sidewalk at the speed of light, if not faster.

When you make it back to the Egbert abode, the first thing you notice is that it's suburban. You didn't know what you'd expected, but somehow this was more fitting than anything you could have come up with.

John gets yours and his bags and carries them in, his father being the one to wait at the door for you. "Now John, you know I've got to run out for a bit, but I trust that you'll be fine on your own. - Oh, well, with company. Make yourself at home, David."

John motions for you to follow him, and you do, scoping out the place. It's clean and neat, the polar opposite of your apartment. Bro doesn't clean for shit, and neither do you, so it's always a mess. But it's disorderly chaos, you would always defend to Rose, who's home was plagued by a never-ending affliction of wizard statues and empty martini glasses. At least your place had a sweet rooftop addition for all your Striderly strifing needs.

John's room is just as clean and neat as the rest of the house, not to your surprise. He sits the school bags on the floor by his bed and turns back toward you with that usual Egbert grin on his face, his overbite apparent.

"Well, this is it!" he informed you, then quickly made for his television stand. He held out a thin plastic rectangle that took you a moment to recognize as a video game case - it was so old - with a very familiar, very old indeed, game title across the top.

"Ghostbusters?" you question, raising a brow and crossing the room to take the game and examine it. John laughs a bit, rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah, I told you it was old. But hey, it's still a great game!"

You'd never played this one before, but with good reason. Even though Rose did, in fact, have her own brand of games, they didn't happen to include those of the video variety. She was more for cards and other things of the sort. Bro let you buy a game once - Minecraft. It was pretty sweet, and you really liked the game. Sure, everything was 8-bit pixel-y and shit, but it was addictive as hell. That game met its very tragic ending one afternoon when you tried to get Bro to play it with you. He'd decided it best to throw the game disc right out your tenth floor window, scratching it all to hell and back and even chipping a part. Whoever said circles didn't have any points clearly never met Bro.

"Alright, let's play it then." you say, passing the game back to John, who takes it happily and gets it all started up. You feel a little less awkward when his dad isn't around, but mostly because it takes some of the pressure off you to appease authority.

You sit in the floor in front of John's bed, knees pulled up. He hands you a controller and climbs up onto the bed. "You know, you can sit up here with me," he says, leaning over to look at you. You just shrug and watch the screen load up. "I like the floor." Actually, you're just too chicken shit to sit up there with him.

"Weird. But okay!"

The game starts up, and you're instructed to go first in making a player account on the game, since he apparently gave you the Player One controller. How nice of him. That's apparently like a love confession in gamer terms. Okay, you won't be thinking about that one.

You flip through all the different options in the game, even going as far as to mess with the animal-esque shit on there too. John laughs and makes a comment about how Jade would appreciate that, and you're almost tempted to ask, but decide to leave it be. After another few minutes you just go with the first things you see and get a pretty basic dude. Then it's John's turn, and he seems a lot better at it than you are. It makes sense that he would be.

While you're waiting on him to finish his player information and whatnot, you can't help but let the realization of your situation hit you in full. You're in Egbert's house, playing video games with him. You're actually here, and it feels so natural. You don't understand where all the nerves came from earlier, but they're damn near gone now. It's just sort of relaxing to be here, doing something so mundane as playing an old as shit video game and hanging out. The extent of "hanging out" you ever get with Rose is tea time with Jaspers and a few games of cards, sometimes a quick session of drawing in her copy of Complacency of the Learned. She'd never quite thrilled when you do, but she stopped the physical assault of stone wizards and martini glasses long ago, much to your immediate relief. You still take care to only do it when she's not looking, because you feel she could start back up at any moment, even if all you draw are harmless little doodles of cats and wizards doing whatever happens to be mentioned on the particular page you're unleashing your creativity on.

The next hour or so seems to fly by, and you don't even realize until John pauses the game and starts to stretch. His legs stick off the edge of his bed barely as he does, and you duck to the left to avoid getting a face full of foot, a half smile on your face. You really like hanging with John. It's not like being around Rose or your bro, and you like that. He's not so intimidating now, you think, and hell, maybe you'll get up the nerve to tell him--

Oh hell no. You won't tell him. You can't. He probably doesn't even like guys. There's just no way you're going to fuck up what seems to be a damn good friendship, and especially not so early on in the game. You've got time, and you can force yourself to be patient, just this once. You can't possible tell John Egbert that you love him. That would ruin any chance of even being friends, you're absolutely certain of it.

"Dave?"

His voice snaps you back to the real world, and you're thankful for his interjection. "Sup?"

"I was just thinking, uh," he starts, a bit of hesitation in his voice. "I mean, um, I'm just really glad you came over today I guess."  
Yeah, you and me both, you think, but you just give a slight smile, one he won't see from how you're both sitting. "Didn't realize you were so good at games," you say, trying to pick up another topic before your mind and your mouth sync.

"Oh, well actually I'm really not. I just used to have a game like this a few years ago. I don't know what happened to it, now that I think about it, but I guess it's fine since I have this one now."  
Just listening to him talk calms your nerves, and you're pretty certain you're smiling like an idiot right about now. Cool or not, you really think you are.

Suddenly, he's leaning over the side to look at you, and the moment you realize this is the moment your face flushes beat red. Fuck, did he see you smiling just then?  
"So what now?" he asks, and it appears he hasn't noticed your lack of attention.

The first thing that comes to mind isn't exactly practical, but that doesn't stop you from blurting it out without thinking. "Pillow fort?" He looks pleased with the idea, though, so you go with it.

You built a fort with Bro once, but it was rigged up with shitty swords that threatened to stab anyone who moved the wrong way. It wasn't really comfortable, either, since it was mostly made of puppets, but it had been a fort, nonetheless. And it had been much more like Fort Knox than a pillow fort, Bro being the only one in the middle.  
He's off the bed and grabbing up his pillows and blankets before you even have time to suggest something else, and you guess you'd better get off your ass and help. Between the two of you, it doesn't take terribly long to get something decent going. The bed sheet is stretched across the room, held up by the bed, John's computer chair, and the window pane, of which you'd slid the top outside window glass down enough to push the sheet's corner through and then close back up on it.

When your small masterpiece is finished, the two of you crawl inside and take up seats along the wall. You're sitting literally in the crack where two separate walls meet, but it's comfortable to you. What makes you slight less comfortable is when he flops down right against you along the wall with the window on it, his leg pressed right up to yours. He looks impressed, eyes scanning the inside of the fort, excited comments being made. You don't listen to them because you're trying to scoot yourself away without being noticed, but then he's turned back toward you and expecting an answer, and all you can manage is, "Uh, what?"

"I said we did a really good job on the fort." he replied, smiling big. Yeah, you guess it's pretty fuckin' sweet for a job done by a couple of fifteen-year-olds. You're still stuck with John's leg pressing into yours, but there's no escaping unnoticed now, so you try to just ignore it.

"Yeah, I guess so. Although it was you who really commandeered the project. You lookin' for a job in management, Egbert?"

He laughs, and your heart skips a beat. God damn, he has a beautiful laugh. Is that weird? Maybe that's weird. Oh well.

"Nah, not really. I'm honestly not sure what I wanna do when I'm older. How about you?" He's looking at you expectantly again, so you guess you'd better formulate an answer fucking fast.

"Music," you say quickly. You've always wanted to go somewhere in life with your music, but lacking the funds to do so pretty much gauranteed you a shitty day job at the grocery store, or hell, even something like what Bro did. You really don't know what he does, now that you think about it. Something with swords that keeps him out all night, you think, but he also plays gigs and stuff down at the local bar. Beyond that, you really don't know that much about your bro's personal life; it's suddenly irksome to you.  
"Music? Like what? Do you play an instrument or something?"Someone is enthusiastic about your music, at least.

"Yeah, I play guitar. I'm also pretty good on the turntables, if I do say so myself." Boasting isn't something you do on a regular basis, but you are actually pretty damn good on your tables, so that's not really boasting if it's true, right?

"Wow. I never would have guessed that. That's really neat, though! I'm not really good at anything except piano, and I guess Ghostbusters." He laughs again.  
"Piano? That's sweet as hell. I'd like to hear you play sometime if that's cool." You'd envied pianists for a time, truthfully. They always seemed to be so easy-going about their music, but for you it's always been more serious because you desperately need some way to bring in cash and get by in life. Bro won't be able to take care of you forever, and you wanna be well off when you move out, so you've been working your ass off to be a successful musician. So far, you guess it's working well enough.  
"I guess I could put on a concert," he says, giving a lop-sided, toothy grin. Jesus, if your heart wasn't fluttering earlier, it is now.

As much as you want to say something, you know you shouldn't. It's not like he's going to reciprocate your feelings and you'll start dating right away, anyway. What was the point in potentially ruining something so good? If you have to hold on to this secret forever, you guess you will. What else can you do, honestly?  
But John's not even paying attention to the fact that you're in a daze; he's still going on about something or another - you catch his cousin's name thrown in once or twice, and something about a flute and a bass guitar, - but eventually you draw yourself back to his words, letting them register for once today and actually listening. He's not even looking at you, just sitting with his knees pulled up and his arms around them, looking up toward the fort's fabric ceiling without actually really staring. You notice for a moment just how nice his profile is, the curve of his jaw into his chin, his smooth skin, long lashes, his lips and their perfect shape for kissing..  
"So when do you have to go, anyway?"

Again, he's pulling you from your thoughts, and it's probably for the best. You were certain those thoughts weren't going to remain platonic for much longer.  
"Well I usually just text Bro and let him know where I am," you answer, trying to get back into a normal, not daydreaming mindset.  
"I'd ask if you wanted to stay the night, but I don't think my dad would be okay with it since it's a school night and all." he says, grabbing up a stray pillow from the floor and holding it to his chest.

"S'cool, I gotta do some stuff at home anyway." Lies. You don't have anything to do back home. "Plus you've got some homework to do, right?"

His eyes widen slightly in remembrance. "Oh yeah! Crap. Eh, I'll do it later. Let's just hang out for now."

You're down with that.

You don't know when it gets dark, but somewhere along the way John's gotten a light for inside your fort, and you're both still talking away like you've all the time in the world. He tells you all about his family, about his cousin and her dog and her grandfather who's now dead, about his dad and his dad's job and all that went with it. He tells you about when he was little and used to fall off his green ghost pogo ride that his father had recently gotten rid of. e's told you about his nana, too, and how she died in a tragic accident at the Betty Crocker factory, and how her ashes are in the urn downstairs on the fireplace mantle. You're a little discerned by that, but to each his own or whatever it is Rose said when you complained to her about Bro's puppet obsessed.

You tell him about your life, too. You tell him about Bro and his weird puppets, and about all the shitty swords in your house and how they're stuffed into the most impractical of places. You tell him about how he got you into music when he bought you your turntables, and how he taught you to use 'em before you were even tall enough to reach. You tell him how Bro got you these pointed shades when you were really little and couldn't even remember getting them, and how you pretty much grew up with Rose because Bro and Mom Lalonde go way back or whatever. You're not really sure how, but apparently they do. You even tell him about how your first kiss was with the younger Lalonde, and that you both agreed it didn't mean anything at the time and wouldn't ever mean anything later on. He laughs at that, but you don't really mind. It's nice to hear a real laugh for once, not one that's full of snark and smugness. You get enough of that shit from Bro.

His dad doesn't get back until around nine, and it takes him only a few minutes more before he's upstairs to check on John. He's a little surprised to see you're still around, since it is a school night and what not, but when you explain Bro's crazy hours, he offers to let you stay the night so you won't have to go back to an empty house. With a little excited encouragement from John, you relent. Dad Egbert asks if you two have eaten, which you haven't, and then heads downstairs to make food for everyone. It's almost like being part of the family, what with how John's dad treats you like another son. It's strange, but you don't dislike it.

You suppose you'd better let Bro know where you are, at least. You take out your red flip phone and shoot a text his way.

yo bro im staying at egberts tonight hope works going good

It takes a brief minute before he replies with,

gonna get some egbert action huh? im proud of you kid. see you tomorrow.

Your cheeks heat up upon reading the message, and you're about to type back an offended reply when John peeks over your shoulder, eyes wide with curiosity.  
"Is that your bro? What did he say?"

You nearly drop your phone from start, the device being passed between your frantic hands like you're playing hot potato with yourself. The phone hits the floor and you give a silent curse, grabbing for it. John gets it first.

"Sorry if I scared you, haha, I just- Oh."

Oh is right. Shit, did he read bro's message? You can feel your palms getting clammy and your heart beating in your throat and god please don't let him have seen Bro's text--

"What's this about 'Egbert action'?" Shit shit shit, he did, shit you're gonna kill Bro when you get home--

"Does he mean me?"

There are a few things you could say right here. You could play it cool, just own up to it and let him know how you feel. You could tell him Bro's being a dick and trying to piss you off like usual. You could tell him he was kidding.

"He probably means your dad," you say, trying to remain nonchalant. Yeah, there's also that option.  
"My dad?" John makes a face wanton confusion and slight disgust.

"Yeah, Bro's got the biggest crush on Dadbert. You wouldn't believe how much he talks about him. It's kind of stupid actually." This isn't that large of a lie. Bro does talk about how nice of an ass John's dad has on an almost daily basis.

"Huh, weird. I didn't know your bro was into guys."

"Oh yeah, he's into anything that he can fuck." That came out quicker than you could stop it.

"Your bro sounds kind of odd," John said, scooting back to where he'd been sitting along the wall not that long ago.

"Yeah, well, I'll give you that one." If John tells his dad, you're going to have either the worst day of your life or one of the best when Bro finds out. You're admittedly afraid of both outcomes at this point, though.

"So what about you?" he asks, and to you he might as well have brought that question out of thin air because it went right over your head.

"What about me?" you reply, raising a brow slightly.

"Are you, y'know, like your bro?"

Oh boy. Oh man. Oh fuck, this was the last thing he wanted to talk about with Egbert right now. He could lie. He could laugh and say he wasn't into guys. But that would be a huge lie because he was especially into one guy in particular.

"If you're askin' if I'm gay, you don't hafta worry. I'm not gonna come on to you." Good enough.

Or not. John raises a brow suspiciously, giving you a look frightfully similar to the one Rose gives you when she's prying for truths you're trying your damnedest to hide.  
"C'mon, don't be so abstract, Dave. Just tell me!"

"I pretty much just did tell you, like I literally just said I like cock without saying it outright."

His facial expression proved to you that yup, you'd definitely gone a little too far with that one.

"Oh."

'Oh.'? That's hardly a response to reassure your feelings for him. 'Oh.' What did that even mean, 'Oh.'? You want to curl into a ball and roll out the window all of a sudden. That might be less painful than trying to wrap your head around what's going on now.

"What? You act like you're just seen a ghost. A really flaming homosexual ghost."

He laughs a little, then shakes his head. "Nothing. I just honestly didn't think you'd be into guys is all."

This gets more and more difficult to put into perspective by the minute. Throwing your ball-shaped body out the window and rolling down the street sounds so much better than trying to make sense of how you're supposed to act around John.

"Yup. Just think of me as the one-man gay parade." Can you possibly make this any worse on either of you? You're pretty certain that if there's a way, you'll be the one to find and exploit it.

John laughs a bit more at this, pushing at your shoulder with his hand. "It's suits you."

You sort of half smile, furrowing your brows to try and look offended despite that you're holding back a laugh. "Hey now, at least I wasn't poster boy for Band Aids as a kid."  
"That pogo ride had it out for me!" he counters, and before you realize what's going on, you're tackling him down and a wrestling match ensues.

He's a lot easier to throw around than Bro's heavy ass, but you try to go easy on him. He doesn't, however, and he's a lot stronger than he looks. Egbert has you pinned for a solid minute before you're able to worm your way out from under him and get him down once more. For once, you're not so offended by your small size.

When it's obvious you're the winner, you take a seat upon the throne, John's stomach, hands on his shoulders, both of you breathing heavily. His stupidly cute overbite is apparent through his dorky grin, and fuck it all if that's not the cutest shit ever.

It's only after you're kissing him do you realize you've even moved.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rose you little shit

"So, once more. You kissed him?"

Rose had been prying into your afternoon (and unplanned evening) with Egbert, and once you'd let slip about the kissing mishap, she'd been oh-too happy to shove the crobar in and jerk open all your little secrets. There was something about Lalondes that really just made you want to clam up even more at times like these.

"Yes, Lalonde, I did, now could ya' pipe down? I don't exactly want the entire school to know about that."

"Oh come now, is it really such an ordeal?"

"Yes!!"

You've kept your head down through the duration of lunch, trying to avoid being seen by anyone directly involved in the events of the night previous. You've no idea what you're going to say to John, and even less of an idea of what he'll say to you, and it's pretty fucking scary.

When you'd kissed him, he hadn't pushed you away. If anything, he just seemed shocked. His face had gone redder than your broken record shirt, and he'd gotten all wide-eyed as he just sort of stared at you. 

Definitely wasn't the first kiss of your dreams, but in a way, it was what you'd expected. John's lips were as right for kissing as you could have hoped, and his overbite didn't even bother you when your teeth had sort of clacked together.

It had taken a moment, but the brunette had finally gotten ahold of himself, because that's when the hands went to your chest, and you felt his lips leave yours. And he hadn't said a word even then, just stared up at you with red cheeks and start in his eyes.

And that's when you knew you'd fucked up.

"There is no reason to be ashamed, David," she continues, taking a small sip of her tea - Mom Lalonde had a shiton of bottles and small containers just lying around, so Rose had apparently nabbed a miniature-sized liquor bottle and filled it with something that reeked of herbs. She sat her drink beside her copy of Complacency of The Learned, which she had brought with her for some unknown reason. If she intended to read that wizardry junk in class, well, more power to her if she actually succeeded.

"There's every reason to be ashamed, Rose," you reply, giving her a look of annoyance. She's mimicking your bro with that fucking snarky tone he always takes with you, and you can't be expected to take it from her, as she knows.

She holds up her hands as if in surrender on the subject, and with that, she's flipping through her tome of majyyk knowledge. The first sight you're graced with is a red cat with a wizard hat riding on a cloud over the entirety of a full page of manuscript. Yeah, you'd left that little gift for her a few months ago.

As per usual, she ignores your doodles and skips right to the reading.

You sigh, because that's her way of leaving you to your own thoughts. You could deal with anything but that right about now.

When you kissed John, you'd pretty much sealed the deal that the two of you wouldn't have a nice, normal friendship. You'd fucked that up real quick-like, and with your nerves there's little chance of you being able to fix it, or even try.

The rest of the evening hadn't been so bad. You'd both pretty much acted like the kiss had never happened, getting back to playing another exciting round of Ghostbusters and then passing out around one in the morning. John had knocked out about an hour before.

You wish you hadn't have kissed him now. At least there wouldn't be this stifling awkward tension between the two of you like that. But then again it could have gone worse, you guess. It still doesn't make what happened any easier to think about.

Another pair of bodies joins you then, and you're honestly a little surprised to see that John is one of them. It doesn't, however, surprise you when he sits by Rose instead of you, Jade taking his spot from yesterday at your side.

Even with the cover of your shades, you can't bring yourself to look at him. You can see in your peripheral vision that he's not looking at you, either, and your heart plummets. You're pretty certain it got some serious speed on that one, too - it must have been lost through your feet, because that was seriously how fast it fell.

You don't know what to say to him, or even if you would have the right to speak to him, so you just sort of hunker down in your little invisible shell and, in likeness to yesterday, tune out the conversation with your own musings. Harley's talkative once more, and, just like with all else, you're content to let her talk as much as she'd like.

You vaguely wonder if John told anyone. Clearly not Rose, since you know for a fact you'd been the one to drop that on her. Maybe Jade? You steal a sideways glance, vision oddly distorted by the rim of your shades so that half the world appears dark, the other of regular coloration. She doesn't look like she's hoarding any sort of deep, dark secret - such as late-night smooches between friends, or maybe make that used-to-be friends, - so you guess you can't really suspect her to know. It still doesn't leave your mind that he could have told her.

Again, lunch passes with everyone having something to say except for you, and you're okay with that, other than the fact that you'd been silent because you're pretty certain John doesn't want to hear from you.

The rest of the day is as uneventful as ever, and for the first time probably in your life you wish it wasn't so. You need something to take your mind off John, but nothing presents itself. You guess all that's left to do at this point is just do what John seems to have been doing - pretend nothing ever happened.

But it did, you remember kissig him so vividly that it's almost cruel to make yourself act like it didn't happen, and considering you've been wanting it for so fucking long -- No. It's better to ignore it, to ignore your feelings, because that's obviously what John wants. You just couldn't force your affections on him like that.

\--------------------------------------

You've gone a full day without so much as a word from him, and you honestly feel like total shit by the time the final bell rings. He's avoided you like the plague, but you can't blame him. That kiss was uncalled for. He probably didn't even like guys, much less a guy like you.

You're shoving your heavy-ass textbooks into your bag, trying to push out all your nervous worrying, but as if Lady Luck was completely out to get you, the object of your brooding appeared by your side.

"Hey Dave."

Your muscles tense slightly, and you're so tempted to just fucking run like hell because you can not handle this conversation now, but he's blocking the only practical exit (there's a slim chance you would jump out the window to avoid the topic at this point - okay, make that a relatively large chance,) and you can't just push past him and ignore him completely. No one else in in here with you guys since the teacher made a break for the door the second the bell had sounded, a messy stack of papers in hand, and that made this all the more horrific to you.

"Sup."

He's staring at the floor, like making eye contact is the worst possible thing he could do right now, and you almost have to agree with him on that one. "Do you, uh, want to come over?"

That throws you off, and your only response comes out as a sort of confused, pitiful little squeak. "Uh."

"I get it if you're busy or something!" he interjects quickly, sort of waving his hands as if that will somehow excuse him for not considering you could have prior plans. "I just thought, y'know, we could like talk or something. About, uh. Yesterday."

That's it, you're fucking bailing. You don't want to talk about yesterday for the rest of your life - especially not at the scene of the crime.

"Yeah, sure."

There is nothing more retarded to you right now than yourself. He nods at your response, hesitating before turning to go. "I'll wait outside then, same place as yesterday."

Once more, you're given the chance to run. You can just make your way down the farthest hall and out the back, then it would be home free. You've already blown the guy off enough that once more shouldn't really surprise him - but you know you'll just have to confront him on this shit sooner or later, and if you really have to pick one of those times, you guess sooner rather than later is the best option. But you don't intend to stick around for long, lest there be a replay of yesterday's events. There's literally no fucking way you could allow that again, not when he's acted so distant all day because of it.

You grab your shit and follow his path out, finding him just outside the door with Rose, whose mother was apparently returned to her usual schedule of early nighttime pick up. Fucking figures, you think, coming up to join the others.

Rose clearly is aware of what's up, because she sends you one of her looks, and all you can do is receive it with half-hearted effort. It's been a long day and you know she understands.

When John's dad arrives, he greets you both with the same cheerful enthusiasm as the day before, and a ball of guilt and a few other things settles in right in your gut. This is going to be a long afternoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW okay thanks for all the support and stuff, doing this has really helped me gain a little confidence in my writings! (i'll still never feel any better about anything else though c:)
> 
> hopefully with this second chapter i can get things moving!
> 
> also this chapter is significantly shorter than the first (?????) but i guess it doesn't really matter so long as shit gets done.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I APOLOGISE TO MY MOIRAIL FOR THIS BUT DON'T WORR BBU IT'LL GET BETTER I PROMISE  
> also i think my chapters are keeping a pattern of shortness now?? i guess it's because this was originally like a one-shot, but whatever. at least it's finally up.
> 
> ALSO: i still don't have internet at my house, so the reason the update chapters haven't been getting posted faster is because i have to wait to go to my friend's house to have wifi access. so yeah, no set time for updates or anything, it's just kind of spotty like this for now. (hopefully soon that won't be the case!)

By some strange turn of events, you are now John Egbert.

You're waiting for your friend outside the school, where you'd waited with him yesterday for your dad. It's kind of weird to wait on him now, considering the circumstances. What are you even planning to say to him? He just kissed you out of nowhere, and you guess you've liked him a while, but you're not sure if it's like that or not. You're not even aware you were into guys, honestly.

When Dave finally comes out and he stands beside you, your heart gives a slight squeeze. He's not looking at you, and you're not sure why it's so hard to look at him.

Before you ever spoke with him, you'd always thought he was kind of cool. The first day he'd walked into your seventh grade class and been introduced int he most awkward manner in front of the class, you'd thought he was cool. His southern accent had gotten a little better since then. He'd been wearing those aviators even back then, and it had been explained that he had sensitive eyes and was allowed to wear them, (with much grumbling from the back section of the room, which was notorious for being told to remove unacceptable accessories, like shades and hats). You remembered how even then, you'd liked him, but it hadn't been how he must like you now. You just admired his style, you think, and nothing more - even though you now realise he's a total dork, but it's kind of cute.

Your dad pulls up then and you both climb into the car, his usual greeting reaching your ears and only half registering. Dave saves you from a reply each time a question is posed, and you're certain you can feel watchful eyes on you from the rear view mirror.

Once home, you decline your dad's offer of cake - he somewhat has it in his head that it'll still cheer you up when you're down, like how it used to when you were a lot younger. You decline, and so does Dave, and you both head up the stairs to your room and to the discussion you're certain neither of you really want to have.

With the door shut for a little privacy, you feel much more closed in. You've never been claustrophobic, and your room isn't really small enough for that sort of thing anyway, you think, but it's uncomfortable. Or maybe it's just you. You don't think so, though, from how Dave sort of awkwardly sits on the floor by your bed, where he was yesterday afternoon before all.. This.

"Well, uh." A great way to start something as serious and important as this wouldn't be a joke, so you skip the potential atmosphere-lifters and get right to business. "Dave, what happened yesterday?"

He doesn't look at you for a moment, and your heart gives a little squeeze. Maybe you should have just let things smooth over a bit before deciding to throw him under the bus like this. Or maybe you should have just talked to him yesterday. It's a little late for that now, though.

After a minute or so, he finally answers. "Look, John, I'm real sorry about that. I just. I don't know what came over me."

You're not sure either, honestly, but whatever it was has really got you confused. He kissed you, and you have no idea how to feel about that. You've never even kissed anybody before, much less a guy. 

"It's uh. It's fine. I guess it was just unexpected."

But really, you're not sure that it was fine at all. He kissed you out of the blue and confused you about how you felt completely. And on top of that, you're pretty certain you're not even looking for a relationship. Actually, you know you're not, but that's mostly because your last attempt hadn't gone so well. Elementary romance had been hard enough, but high school was by far worse, and on top of that, you're just not sold on the idea of dating someone that you don't even know very well. Friendship was one thing. Boyfriend was another.

He looks a little less stricken with himself, and you hate to, but you keep talking anyway. "Actually, no. It's not fine. Dave, you _kissed_ me. I don't know how I feel about it. I don't know how I feel about you!" The more you say, the more you wish you'd never started. It's obviously not the thing Dave wanted to hear, but you guess it's what he needed to. You'd feel a lot worse just letting him think you were on board the dating train when you weren't even certain you'd boarded the friendship line just yet.

"Why'd you do it?"

Dave doesn't answer right off, and it unnerves you a little. Even though you can tell he's uneasy by the way the corners of his mouth turn down into a slight frown, and his slumped shoulders and hung head, those shades make a full confirmation difficult for you. You wish you could just take them off his face and look him in the eye, see what it is he's hiding behind them - That suddenly doesn't seem like it will help the situation much.

"Isn't it obvious? I like you, John. Unironically. Shit's not really a crush."

His answer throws you off even though you'd been expecting something along those lines. You're a little uncertain what to say for a moment, all the possible replies seeming either harsh or just all wrong. "Dave, look," It's your turn to look fidgety and awkward now, and you don't like it one bit. "I like you, but I don't think it's the same way. You're really cool and all, but I mean. Let's face it - We're both young and we don't really know what we want, right? And although it's flattering to know you do have feelings for me-;"

He holds his hands up in surrender, and you stop talking instantly. "I get it."

"Do you?"

"Yeah. I mean, we've barely interacted. I always blow you off because of shit coming up or whatever, and we don't know much about each other on top of that. I get that you would want some time to maybe get to know each other better, think shit over or whatever-;"

You interrupt him this time, opening your mouth and closing it as you mull over what to say. You want to be blunt, but not in a jerky way. If that's even possible. "Dave, I'm not a homosexual."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some more stuff happens whoo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess what guys  
> since you waited so long for this to update you get TWO chapters yeah man  
> (sorry because they're both a little short)
> 
> ignore me
> 
> hopefully there will be more regular updates soon!!

He doesn’t answer you right away, and it makes you a little nervous. Were you too blunt, maybe? You frown, waving away the words quickly with an awkward movement. “What I mean is, I’m not really sure if I’m into guys.” Yeah, yeah that makes sense, you think.

Dave looks at you for a second, like he’s trying to find his response somewhere in you, but you know that can’t be it. A cool guy like him wouldn’t have to look to a loser like you for help, not with anything – certainly not this kind of thing. 

“Yeah, no, I get it.” He says finally, and you visibly relax. 

You smile faintly and put a hand on his shoulder. “Thanks for understanding,” you say, and he nods his head.

It’s quiet after that, and you feel like maybe you should have just had this conversation at school or something, but your dad always taught you to face things rather than run from them, and you definitely would feel bad about just running from the fact that this almost-stranger likes you and you don’t know how you feel about him in return.

No, you think, Dave’s not a stranger. You know him. You’ve known him for a while, like, a few years, and that’s got to be enough time to be able to say you know him, right?

But you know you’re being ridiculous here. Dave is still a mystery to you. He could be anybody behind those pointed shades of his, could be the complete opposite of what you’ve always made him out to be in your head. But maybe, just maybe, you’d be okay with that.

The rest of the evening isn’t any more eventful than you could expect, considering you’d invited him over just to talk. He doesn’t stick around long, maybe another thirty minutes tops, before he’s heading out the door with you standing there watching him and feeling like a total ass, like something out of a rom-com, or something like that. Your dad tries talking to you, just to make sure you’re alright, and you just smile and tell him you’re fine, then you head back upstairs under the guise that you just remembered homework you had to do.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

You are Dave Strider, and holy shit do you feel awful.

You’ve just left from John’s and you’re kind of sulking as you walk, his words replaying over and over like some weird haunting Gregorian chant bullshit that makes you want to scream. He’s not into you. He isn’t into guys period. What the hell were you even thinking by making a move? Granted, it wasn’t planned, but it was still a move and you still feel like a fucking idiot for doing it.

When you get home, Bro’s heading out. He raises a brow at you, which would have gone unnoticed behind his matching shades except you know him well enough to recognize the tiny changes in expression from time to time. You don’t offer an explanation, but that doesn’t stop him.

“What happened with the Egbert kid?” he asks from the hall. You’d thrown your bag down on the futon in the living room and flopped, exasperated, beside it. You don’t answer. You know he’s gotta leave, but he’ll pry as much as possible before he does.

He’s suddenly behind you, a gloved hand on your head. He ruffles your hair, something he normally would do just to be a shit, but this time it’s oddly affectionate, almost comforting in a way. “Listen, I’m sure he’ll come around. Ain’t never met anyone could resist the Strider charm.” You can visualize Bro’s grin at that statement without having to look at him for assurance that he is, in fact, looking quite smug. 

“’Cept your ‘lil boyfriend’s dad.” He says out of nowhere, and you can almost feel those words like a punch in the gut. “Hot damn, is that man evasive.” With that, he’s gone, leaving you alone in your apartment.

John isn’t your boyfriend, nor will he ever be, you think glumly. He probably doesn’t even want to be friends, but you honestly don’t blame him. You couldn't just smooch him out of nowhere like that. Friends don’t do that. Boyfriends do.

But John’s not your boyfriend.

He probably won’t ever be.

You sigh and sink into the rather uncomfortable frame of the futon, grimacing as the hard metal of a bar shoves against your spine uncomfortably. You shift with a groan and grab for the remote. Nothing’s on the TV, and you’re not really in the mindset to bother to double-check all the channels you just scrolled through on the off-chance you missed something acceptable, so you grab up your bag and head to your room.

Even when Bro isn't home, you lock your door. Something about locked doors makes you feel more secure – at least, only when you’re alone behind those locked doors. You’re fairly certain being locked in a room with anyone, even Rose or John (especially John) would freak you the fuck out. But alone like this, you’re all good.

You discard your bag at the door, your eyes falling on the one thing you can openly love unconditionally without fear of rejection or weird comments –your turntables.

Those fucking tables are like your children – actually, you love them more than you would love your own children, you think, because you are actually really not sure how to deal with kids. Equipment is one thing, loud, disgusting, smallish humans are a complete other.

You drag your fingers over the smooth, cool surface, the part where the top and side meet to form a ridged right angle. You love how easily your tables can calm you. It would be a lot easier if you could just kick it in here all day and mix to your heart’s content, but sadly, Bro’s a stickler that you get a decent education and actually make something of yourself. You’re kind of annoyed with all the talks and shit he makes you sit through, but you understand where he’s coming from. He doesn't want you to end up like him, thirty and barely managing to house and feed himself and his kid brother. You don’t hold things like that against him; he’s just doing the best he can.

You waste no time in picking up where you left off with your last mix. Listening to it, you find you’re not as into it as you thought you were. Nah, you want something a little less wubwub and a little more.. Smooth, you guess? You’re frowning at the screen of your laptop, which is perched on a stool by the tables. You watch the notes as they run past on the little program, a strange dislike creeping up on you with each passing second.

You quickly close out of that shit and open a new file. You’re going to make this exactly how you’re hearing it in your head, even if it takes you all night.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more stuff happens  
> (with a little unrequited davejade maybe??)

You don’t regret staying up all night to work on that mix. You refuse to regret it because you are one hundred percent certain it’s the best thing you have ever created and you refuse to regret creating it.

You do, however, wish school wouldn’t drag on like this. It’s Friday, which is a fucking godsend, but for some reason this Friday feels suspiciously like a Monday, and you’re kind of worried it’s going to turn out to be one and you’ll have missed your entire weekend already. God, you hope that’s not the case.

When lunch finally rolls around, you and Rose grab your usual spot. You’re glad for the school’s attempted renovations because it puts your table pretty much out of the way of everyone else’s, and you like that. Rose likes it too, but mostly because she doesn’t really care for people to read over her shoulder whenever she’s writing her wizard porn.

Jade and John show up shortly after. The gang’s all here, you think to yourself. You don’t know why,but it kind of hurts when John sits by Rose like yesterday. Did you push him away? Fuck, you’re an ass You blew it not only for a relationship, but also for a normal honest-to-god friendship. Way to go, Strider.

“So Dave, I hear you’ve been going to John’s house lately.”

Harley immediately engages you in conversation, which was actually really unexpected and you’re not sure how to reply right away, so you quickly cover by grabbing some of Rose’s fries and stuffing them in your mouth, about which she doesn’t seem to care.

“Mmf,” is your very smooth reply.

She lowers her voice ever-so slightly, glancing across the table at her cousin, who is currently attempting to read some of Rose’s book. You feel bad he got sucked into it. “”I’m really glad you’re his friend.”

“Yeah.” Friends, yup. Because you two were totally not having issues with you being a complete idiot and planting one on him two days ago and you were totally still friends despite how you think he doesn’t like you even platonically anymore. Most definitely.

Jade grins. “There’s this really cool shop I’ve been wanting to go to, but John doesn’t seem interested. He calls it a hippie shop. But I was wondering if maybe you’d like to go with me this afternoon? It’s not that far.”

You don’t have anything else to do, plus you’d like to take a gander at this so-called hippie shop. Probably, it will just be full of flowers and dream catchers and whatever else is considered hippie-ish. “Yeah, sure.”

She seems to light up at that, her smile just as big and dorky as John’s. You’d never noticed before, but she has the same overbite. It’s cute as hell.

“Meet me outside after school. Oh, do you want my number? It’ll be easier to meet up that way.”

She pulls out a green pen from her bag and takes your hand, then she scribbles her number down on the back of it. One look at her curly handwriting and yeah, you think, this is definitely a girl’s handwriting

After lunch is over, you say goodbye to Jade and John, who doesn’t really say much to you, then you and Rose walk to class.

“So you have a date with John’s cousin?” she asks, seemingly out of the blue. You didn’t even realize she’d been listening.

“Uh, yeah. I mean, no, it ain’t a date.” You’re not really sure what it is. Just a walk to the hippie shop, right?

Rose gives you a knowing look before she has to branch off to another hall for her class, leaving you feeling just as alone as you ever have.

 

You wait for Jade outside after school. You’d texted her so she could get your number, and she’d replied and told you she would be right out in a moment. You’re fine to wait, though, because it gives you some time to bring yourself back down to Earth.

You can’t stop replaying two nights ago in your head, when you’d kissed John. But you also can’t stop thinking about what he’d said the day after, and all the warm and fuzzy bullshit you feel when you think about kissing him just sort of dissipates.

Jade comes out, and Rose and John are with her. It kind of bothers you that he’s ignoring you and hanging out with Rose, but you’re not mad about it. You just wish he would talk to you, or hell, even look at you.

“Ready to go?” Harley’s practically bouncing around. She reminds you of a dog for some reason, barking excitedly and wagging her tail because she was getting a treat. You could totally see her as a dog.

“Yeah,” you reply, then you both wave goodbye to your friends and head off.

The hippie shop is surprisingly close. You had no idea it even existed, but the fact that it’s only like two blocks away is honestly really surprising.

You’re not sure what you expected., but this place is pretty much what you could have guessed it to be. And John was right, it was a hippie shop. It’s full of flowers of all kinds, and there’s an assortment of those dream catcher things hanging in one corner. But there are also some interesting things, like herbal remedies for illnesses, aroma therapy scents and oils contained in tiny decorative glass bottles, books on plants and nature. You find yourself wanting to smell every one of the scented oils, but you refrain.

Jade pulls the cork out of a small bottle of scented oil and sniffs it, then offers it to you to smell, like she’d read your mind or some shit, so you lean in and take a whiff, and holy hell, if that’s not the most calming scent you’ve ever smelled. She smiles when she sees you like it, then she puts the cork back in. She doesn’t put it down though, so you assume she’s going to buy it.

She wanders off to look at more oils, and you sort of awkwardly follow her. She offers up more scents to you and they’re all pretty fucking nice, except you don’t really know how you feel about the Christmas Feel one.

The rest of the shop is ignored, and you want to ask if she’s done already when you’re both heading for the counter, but she explains before you have to. “I’ve been in here a lot, actually,” she says, putting down three bottles of scented oils on the counter. The cashier greets her cheerily, and Jade responds accordingly, then she glances over her shoulder at you with a smile. “I just never bought anything before today.”

A few minutes later, you and Jade are leaving the shop, a small paper bag (made of recycled paper, mind you) in her hands. She chatters on about how she’s never bought anything because she likes having a second opinion on those kinds of things, and John’s never wanted to go in with her, so she’s just never bothered to purchase anything the times she’s gone in by herself.

You don’t even realize you’re at the bus stop until she mentions it. “My house is kind of far out,” she explains, watching cars pass by. She’s smiling. She always seems to be, and it kind of makes you want to smile, too.

Jade is actually really calming to be around, you realize, and you’re glad you agreed to go with her today. Rose will probably have something to say about this – and hopefully about John – later, which you actually kind of dread because you know she’s going to want to talk about your love life.

The bus pulls up and Jade gets on. She waves from her seat, and you wave back. She’s really nice, you think as you head for home. Maybe you should start hanging around her more.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> whatever rose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow ive never updated this often
> 
> expect more soon i guess

TT: All I’m saying is maybe you should give it some time.  
TG: if I give it any more time ill be an old drunk like your mom  
TG: or worse  
TG: ill turn out like bro  
TG: rose dont let me be like bro  
TT: I’ll try not to let your impatience transform you into your brother.  
TG: thanks rose that means a lot  
TT: Anyway, just give John some space. I’m sure things will work themselves out.  
TT: Unless you’d like me to psychoanalyze him, in which case I’ll get my therapist pad and a pen.  
TG: i dont want you to psychoanalyze him rose  
TG: pretty sure he already thinks im weird enough without me sending my friend to probe his brain for all his secrets  
TT: Nonsense. I’m sure the only thing weird to John about you is your brother.  
TG: you know i fucking told him about bros obsession with his dads ass the first day i was over there  
TT: Yes, you told me.  
TT: You should have told him the truth rather than pin down your brother as the scapegoat, David.  
TG: dont you david me  
TG: look all im saying is i couldnt do it  
TT: Yet you managed to plant one on him.  
TG: details lalonde  
TG: look  
TG: maybe youre confortable with the whole being straightforward about your feelings shit  
TG: but im not you  
TG: if i was you id be up to my neck in fluffy cats and shitty statues depicting majjyks wielding men in robes  
TG: i cant just put the moves on a guy whos not into other guys  
TT: John told you he’s not into guys?  
TG: yup  
TT: Oh my.  
TG: oh my is right lalonde  
TG: i got a one way ticket to gaylordsville and egbert aint on the train  
TG: hes sitting at the station watching the train pull away  
TG: waving goodbye with his handkerchief and crying his eyes out  
TG: ‘be careful out there dave there will be lines of people waiting to hit on you out there’  
TT: Dave.  
TG: ‘dont worry john ill make it somehow’  
TG: somehow being ill just suck it up and find someone local who might be interested  
TT: Dave.  
TG: ill go out on booty patrol  
TG: totally gonna find someone with the hots for dudes like who even needs john  
TG: i got this shit  
TT: David.  
TG: what  
TT: Our good friend Jonathan swings for both teams.  
TG: what  
TT: Oh come now, you know precisely what I mean.  
TG: no shit  
TG: he told me he wasn’t a homosexual  
TT: Well, it’s true, he isn’t. But he isn’t completely heterosexual either.  
TG: and i guess he told you that  
TT: Yes. He did.  
TG: well shit  
TG: good to know he at least trusts somebody with this valuable information  
TT: You did come on a little strong.  
TG: i guess  
TG: fuck ok i know i did  
TG: i panicked ok  
TT: Clearly.  
TG: so what now  
TG: now we know the homo cats out of the bag  
TG: the gay train is pulling back into the station  
TT: Just try not to overdo it next time you attempt expressing your feelings. It’s not that hard.  
TG: yeah ok  
TG: i think bros home  
TG: talk to you later lalonde  
TT: Farewell, Dave.

\--turntechGodhead [TG] has ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]—

The news of John’s sexuality is fresh in your mind as Bro comes into your room and flops down on your bed.

“You ever heard of knocking?” You spin your computer chair around to look at him. Though your face is deadpan, he can tell something’s obviously up, and you can tell he can tell because of the way his brow quirks just barely, something you can only see if you really look for it. “Sup with you?” he asks.

You’re not sure how to answer, so you just shrug. You know he knows you better than that, so it’s not surprise when he doesn’t drop it. “Some new developments in the Egbert attraction?” Again, you shrug. “He talks to Rose.”

“And?” You know he’s waiting for more, but that’s about all you’re willing to give just yet. Besides, Bro’s a smart guy. Chances are, he’ll figure it out on his own. “You jealous he spills all his dirty little secrets to her instead of you?”

At that, you find yourself frowning. Used to, you could keep that deadpan constant as long as you wanted, but here lately you find it a little harder to keep the expressions off your face. You know it doesn’t matter anyway, since this is Bro you’re with. If you were with John, there’s about a snowball’s chance in Hell you’d drop your poker face.

“No,” you say defensively, and that earns you one of those looks only Striders (and Lalondes, because they’ve been practically family for so fucking long) can pick up on. You sigh. “Don’t you have stuff to do?”

“Actually, yeah.”

Bro doesn’t usually make plans for the weekend unless he’s got a job, and you assume that’s what he means. You’re not actually sure if that’s really what he has planned, but you don’t bother asking. Most of the time, you’re left alone when he’s out for his gigs. On the few occasions you’d stayed at the Lalonde’s, you’d been a little concerned you’d be forever lost among the stone wizards that littered their place. If not for Jaspers sitting beside you and meowing for a good half hour, you may have never been found.

Bro doesn’t ask any more questions, just gets up and goes down the hall. You hear a door shut and assume it’s his because of the way he went when he left. Alone again, you flop down on the bed, laying on your back, eyes focusing on no particular part of the ceiling. You reflect on what you already know: John told you to your face he isn’t a homosexual, but you know from Rose that’s only half true. He hasn’t been approaching you but he isn’t avoiding you either. His cousin Jade shops at interesting places.

You roll over and bury your face in the pillow. You’re not supposed to be into John. He’s always been the dork in class, the kid who seemed to never really fit in anywhere but who didn’t have much trouble making friends. He’s not popular, just friendly. Maybe he always invited you over because he felt sorry for you. You’re about the exact opposite of him – only one friend, not very friendly, kind of awkward. Was he really just playing the sympathy hand and trying to be nice because of that?

You don’t think he’s the type. He’s friends with Rose, after all, and you know she doesn’t put up with that kind of shit, especially not when it involves someone she’s close to.

Bro pops his head in your doorway suddenly. “Be back in the morning,” he says, then he leaves for work. Work, yeah. You snort. The occasional gig here and there did not constitute work at all. At least it brought in much-needed money.

Well, since you’re alone for the night, you figure you might as well make the most of it. And by that, you mean you’re going to invite Rose over because you’d rather not be alone.


	7. Quick Message To The Readers

I know I've been gone a long time and I apologise. There have been a number of things happening with me that have kept me from being able to get online, and when I actually can get on it's not for long.

I've also been on a monster writer's block, and that's partially why I have yet to update anything.

I'm about to be leaving a bad home situation and getting my own place, so I should be able to get back on and update on a (hopefully) more regular schedule.

Sorry again.

-Hichi


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